The sex education we should of had


Over the last few months I have been talking more openly about sex. Whether than be the stigma 
around sex toys or why women need to be more sex positive. I started talking more openly about sex
after becoming really interested in Hannah Witton's videos and educating myself more on the topic. It
was then that I realised how little we are taught in sex education throughout the UK. The majority of
my knowledge about sex has come through me learning it myself, which is shocking when we are in
2020 to believe that the education system around sex is still lacking in so many areas.

I wanted to write this post as my previous posts have been so incredibly well received, and
because we all need more education when it comes to sex. Even those who think they're experts.

The number one thing when I think of the sex education that I wish I had and what should be talked
about more is LGBTQ+ sex. When I started receiving sex education in year 6 (age 10-11), we were
only taught about heterosexual relationships. The relationships, love and acts that a man and a women
share. I am very fortunate enough to grow up in a household and family where we are all very open,
you can ask any question and be true to yourself without being judged, which is why when I had any
questions about being gay or bisexual I always felt comfortable talking to my mom. However
millions of people aren't in the same position and rely on other people to talk about LGBTQ+ sex in
order to get their answers. I am thinking about writing a whole post about sexuality, discovering
yourself and the LGBTQ+ society, however the more I think about it the more shocked I am that we
are in 2020 and there are millions of people unaware of basic education when it comes to
relationships outside of being heterosexual. If anything needs to change out of this post, this is it!

When talking about a heterosexual relationship we are believed to think that sex should end once the
man has reached climax. But why? What about the women's pleasure? Less than 20% of women can
orgasm through penetrative sex alone, meaning that reaching an orgasm for a women takes longer
than a man. The majority of women will reach climax through clitoral stimulation, due to the clitoris
having 8000 nerve endings, making it more sensitive and pleasurable when played with. The average
male orgasm will last 10-30 seconds where as the average female orgasm will last up to 2 minutes.
We are taught a lot amount male pleasure and how to make sure men are satisfied when in a
heterosexual relationship, but women's pleasure is often dismissed. 


Fertility has also been a huge thing in my life. I've always wanted children and knew that I wanted to
be a mother at some point in my life. However I thought that getting pregnant would be really easy. I
thought it would take a maximum of a year, because it was just never talked about. Yes I knew that
that wasn't always the case and people took longer to get pregnant etc, but I was never told any of this
growing up. I know so many people in my life, myself included, that were or still are trying for
children and have been for years yet it has happened for them yet. Us as women tend to blame
ourselves for that because it's how society makes us feel, but I'm a huge believer in everything
happens for a reason and sometimes the timing might not be right, without you even realising. I could
do a whole separate post on fertility, but both women's and men's fertility and chances of reproducing
needs to be talked about more openly instead of being hidden under the rug and an unspoken topic.

Still to this day the only type of sexual abuse that is talked about is rape, but are different types of
sexual harassment and abuse that is happening without people knowing. When I was a teenager I
found out that I was sexually abused when I was 3. The first place my mind went was rape, because
thats the only thing I could think of as I hadn't been taught anything else. After talking with my mom
and finding out additional information, I found out I was sexually abused. I didn't know what this
meant and it took me a long time get my head around because I was educated on the topic. Sexual
harassment and abuse of any sort needs to be talked about more openly with children, especially with
things like social media becoming more and more popular as the years go on.

When I asked on Instagram about the sex education that people wish they had, I received quite a few
messages saying 'any sex ed in general would have been good as I went to a religious school'. I was
shocked by this as I knew that different religions have different views and opinions on sex and
contraption, but to receive no education or knowledge at all was shocking. Religion is something I
have never and will never talk about on my blog as it's a controversial and very personal topic,
however I do believe that it should be taught in all schools no matter what the religion. Depending
on the religion and their beliefs, should have an impact on what they teach, even if it just the basics.
A few comments that went along with this included 'I saw sex as a really wrong thing to do' and 'we
have a really high teen pregnancy rate at my school, which I believe is a result of being uneducated.'

The thought of my medication affecting my sex life never crossed my mind, until I had been having
sex consistently. Different medications and illnesses can affect your libido, such as; antidepressants,
contraception, diabetes, mental health issues and more. These can affect your libido and performance
due to the change in your hormones. When I was on my previous prescription of antidepressants, I
noticed my sex drive began to change depending on the dosage I was on. As mental health issues rise
in children and adolescents and medication being prescribed more often, I definitely think that this
should be discussed within the sex education bracket, as it's becoming a more serious topic.

Correct terminology is something that I'm shocked isn't taught about more. Especially when it comes
to the female genitalia. The vagina is not the whole thing, the vagina is actually an internal structure.
What we call the vagina, is actually the vulva, clitoris and the labia. It's very common for the female
genitalia and reproductive system to be misunderstood as it's all internal and can get very confusing,
when compared to the male genitalia and reproductive system.


I was always under the impression that you can't say no during sex as you've already gave consent
and started, however that couldn't be further the truth. If you change your mind for any reason, are
feeling uncomfortable and no longer want to continue in having sex then you can say no. You always
have the right to no, at any point during sexual pleasure, even if you previously gave consent.

Something I was always embarrassed and ashamed of was my curiosity towards sex toys. I used walk
past an Ann Summers shop, and want to go in because I wanted to know what was at the back of the
shop. When I got to high school sex toys were talked about more, but not by teachers in sex ed,
instead they were talked about by us who had to learn everything ourselves. As soon as the word
'dildo' or 'vibrator' was mentioned everyone used to scream, make 'ewwww' sounds and be grossed
out about them. It wasn't until I got to college that I realised sex toys are perfectly normal. I started to
learn that people with disabilities and impairments use sex toys as having penetrative sex can often be
difficult or painful. As sex toys are being sold in millions of shops and online and how they are part
of peoples day-to-day lives, I really wish they were spoke about more. Hand in hand with sex toys,
we are also led to believe that masturbating is only for men and when women do it, it's dirty. But how
is that fair? Masturbation is normal for both men and women. It is your body and you can choose to
do whatever you want with it.

We are constantly drilled into us that men will always want sex and are these overly sexual creatures
who can't seem to keep their pants on, and that women are the only ones who say no when it comes to
sex.  Truth is men don't always want sex, we're just programmed to think that they do.

Something for us romantics to remember is that it's nothing like it is in the movies. Often in the
movies it's all about passion and having to have someone right there right now, or it's planned out in a
cosy hotel room with candles and rose petals, but has anybody actually had sex like that. Nobody I
know? It's not just sex that isn't like they show in the movies, but relationships in general. You won't
chase someone through an airport, or have pebbles thrown at your window at 3am. In sex education
they need to talk about the realities of sex and what it's actually going to be like.

Porn is a such a huge thing in society and people's sexuality and sex lives, that I'm shocked it's not
talked about in sex ed. I grew up watching porn, just like most of us would have, and I had these
expectations on how sex was going to be, and boy was I wrong. You don't see the real orgasms, pubic
hair, banging heads together, uncontrollable laughter, the communication and everything else that
goes hand in hand when having sex. In porn they show you the glammed up best version which
happens only a handful of times in a persons life, rather than every time you have sex.

When I was talking about writing this post with a few family members and the sex education they
had vs what they wish they had, they both spoke about sexual myths. Some myths that people believe
to be true include; you can't get pregnant standing up, you can't get pregnant your first time, you can't
get pregnant on your period, you can't get pregnant if he pulls out and you can't get an STI from oral
sex. A lot of myths are about pregnancy, which I believe is why teen pregnancy rates are getting
higher. It is rare to get pregnant on your period but it can happen and just because he pulls out doesn't
mean you are preventing a pregnancy. The use of contraception needs to be talked about more
seriously in connection with sex myths, to avoid teenage pregnancies and STI's spreading further.

xoxo
Lea-Mai

This post does contain gifted items however this post is no sponsored. See disclaimer page for more information.

4 comments

  1. I loved reading this - you go girl xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I need to read this book asap!
    Rosie
    loverosiee.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doing it! is one of my favourite books from 2019, can't recommend it enough x

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