Not fitting in - fashion, friendships, socially

 Throughout my whole life I've felt like I never fit in. Whether that be with fashion, friendships or socially. 
Growing up I really struggled with that, as I think most people do. You look online or watch tv and see 
everyone acting and dressing the same, and realising that you don't. As I continue to get older and even 
more since having a baby, I've realised that I'm ok with not fitting in and being like everyone else, and that 
I'd rather be authentic to myself instead of a fake version who wants to blend in.

I went to high school between 2010-2015, where the fashion was very interesting. Consisting of acid wash 
skirts, Nike blazer trainers, aztec crop tops and Jesus bracelets. High school for me was a time where I felt 
like I had to be the same as everyone else. I felt the pressure to dress like everyone so I didn't stick out and 
get bullied even more than I already was, giving myself an 'easier life'. I wasn't in a position to be 
constantly buying clothes that fell in to the fast fashion trends, and especially when the majority of the 
time I didn't like them. If I could find a way to get more affordable but trendy items I would. 

Even now, 13 years later I still feel like I don't fit in with fashion. More so now, due to self confidence and 
struggling to find clothes that flatter my body and body shape. 'Fast fashion' has become more about the 
cut and style of the clothing rather than the overall item itself. I don't feel like I fit in with any aspect of 
fashion and stick to more basic items. I struggle to identify with one specific theme of fashion and take 
aspects from each different one, but very much stick with the basics and neutral colours.

I've never been someone to have a huge friendship group and although it used to bother me, it doesn't as 
much now. The friends I went into high school with quickly became the 'popular group' and that wasn't 
me. My mental health affected me a lot in high school so I was fully isolated to the point where I taught 
myself for over a year and only did half days. This obviously played a huge part in my friendships. It 
wasn't until I went to college where I made closer friends and realised that quality over quantity is what 
matters. Once I turned 18 and could go out drinking and sit in pubs, I realised just how much better I get 
on with people who are older than me and especially men. 

Spending a lot of time with my parents and their friendship group made me bond with people older than 
me more than people my own age. I've always come across older and more mature than I am, and didn't 
have a stereotypical childhood/early adultescent which I believe plays a huge factor in this. I get on with 
men better too as I have always found women to be very bitchy and too faced. I have a dark/sexual sense 
of humour which naturally gels better with men rather than women. When I've met my partners friends 
and their partners, I never get on with the girlfriends and have always felt awkward around them. 

There are a lot of reasons that I've never felt like I fit in socially but it definitely stemmed from being 
autistic. This made me very awkward and uncomfortable in social situations and I started to mask 
behaviour. Masking is suppressing behaviour and characteristics specific to that person, and mimicking
 the behaviour of neuro-typical people. I often 'over mask' and go to the extremes which makes me come 
across even more socially awkward and stand out more, which is the opposite of what I want. My 
behaviour becomes quite intense and heightened which is not what I'm really like, but I overcompensate 
when in public social situations. 

I have also been someone who struggles to keep things to myself, and often say things without thinking. 
I'm good at knowing what is appropriate and inappropriate but sometimes I do slip up and say things that 
get me a very questionable look. When I'm having a low day or struggling with something, I can't hide 
that and pretend things are ok. These are good qualities to have but only to a certain extent. For a long 
time I've been known as someone who says what she thinks and someone who can't hide that. I've always 
described myself as a 'marmite' kind of person. You either love me or hate me, theres no in-between. 



  1. I can relate to a lot of this. I found too since becoming a mum that fitting in actually doesn't really matter. I think there was a lot of pressure when I was younger.


    1. Definitely agree! No point pretending to be someone you're not x

  2. I hard relate to a lot of this. I have no idea how to dress "on trend" so I just dress in what suits my curvy figure!

    1. Think that's what can be hard also. A lot of 'on trend' clothes are represented on one body type so others struggle x

  3. I really can relate to a lot of this, especially the masking. I do the exact same and try to act the way I think someone would prefer me to act. It frustrates me!

    Corinne x

    1. I didn't realise I was doing it for so long, but it makes so much sense x

  4. You and I are one and the same it seems, I’ve always felt this way too. In the cusp of puberty I had an “emo” phase and found it hard to make friends, then on the cusp of adulthood when everyone was going out partying and drinking I just wanted to stay in and work on my blog. I always felt like I should mask but never really did it because maybe I was too lazy 😂 but after finding Oskar, starting a family, moving on in life, I’ve definitely begun to feel more content with who I am.

    Georgia xx

    1. Totally agree! I never went out drinking when I turned 18, I did it a little later once everyone had it out their system. I feel more content since having Codey but there are things I feel like I missed out on because I didn't fit in x

  5. I can relate to some of this lovely, in school I struggled with friendships and only had one real good friend, everybody else used to bully me and put me down. And for that reason, I struggled with my mental health in school. I love how honest and open you have been in this post lovely x

    Lucy Mary

    1. High school is such a confusing time, so many changes to deal with whilst you're expected and wanting to fit in. Thank you! x

  6. I was the same in my teens but now it doesn’t bother me and I love my small circle of friends!

    Gemma ~

    1. Being a teenage is so hard! Much more grateful of my life now x