What I wish I knew about sex sooner

The majority of what I know about sex has been learnt through experience or self research, not through 

sex education or knowledge provided to me growing up. I have never claimed to be an expert or 

professional in the sex world both educational or physically and there are things that I am still learning 

about. There are so many things I wish I knew about sex sooner, even with growing up in an open 

household where I could ask anything and receive an open response. Sex is constantly evolving, with

 new positions, toys, practices and knowledge coming out every week and so it's forever a learning curve!

LOOSING YOUR VIRGINITY DOESN'T ALWAYS HURT

    Before loosing my virginity I was terrified mainly due to how everyone said it was painful. I can't speak 

for everyone and can only speak on my own experience but it wasn't painful. I think a few factors that 

played into this was that I was in a relationship, the environment was calm and relaxed and I felt 

comfortable therefore I was extra tense which could create more pain. It was an uncomfortable 

experience and also messy but not painful. Loosing your virginity may be painful, but just because 

someone had one experience doesn't mean yours will be the same. 

DON'T BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT SEX TOYS

For so long I was embarrassed about owning sex toys. I was ashamed and felt like I was going to be 

judged by both society and my partner at the time. Sex toys help to spice up your sex life and bring more 

excitement into the sexual side of your relationship. I was around 18/19 when I purchased my first sex toy 

and I kept it hidden, never spoke about and felt shameful when I used it. Now I have a countless amount, 

have tried a wide variety and am sharing my opinions and knowledge surrounding them for people to see. 

With over 80% of women and 70% of men owning sex toys, there is nothing to be embarrassed about.

STI'S ARE MORE COMMON THAN SPOKEN ABOUT

Growing up I remember having conversations about STI's and essentially if you got one your life was 

over. This is so far from the truth. With over 30 forms of STI's and an average of 128.5 million people 

worldwide contracting chlamydia a year, STI's are more common than spoke about. There is a high chance 

that someone in your life has had an STI at some point in their life. The only way to be protected from 

STI's is to use condoms. Other forms of contraception such as the pill or the implant only reduce the risk 

of unwanted/unplanned pregnancy, not against STI's. As there are so many different forms or STI's there 

are different levels of symptoms and risks, however the majority are treatable with no long lasting side 

affects. I wish I knew that STI's are more common and had more information surrounding the subject.

KINKS AND FETISHES ARE DIFFERENT

As I became more open and confident with my sexual desires I quickly learned that kinks and fetishes are 

not the same. A kink is something that arouses us which that's not considered the sexual norm'. A fetish is 

a sexual act or object that is nearly always necessary for the person to become aroused or enjoy sex. 

Common kinks include; domination, role play and BDSM, whereas common fetishes include; feet, 

watersports and humiliation. Both kinks and fetishes are nothing to be ashamed off and I truly believe 

need to be talked about more to spread knowledge and information to help educate people further. 

SEX WILL NEVER BE LIKE IT IS PORN

Movies romanticise and glamorise sex and we are taught growing up that, that isn't reality and not to go 

into a sexual relationship thinking that. However we aren't taught that sex also isn't like it is in porn. Porn 

is portrayed to show you sex in the best angles with perfect lighting and a lot of enhanced acting. Sex 

workers often talk about how they don't find making porn to be pleasurable as it's just what looks good not 

what feels good. Yes there are things that if you try from porn, will be pleasurable but the majority of the 

time sex doesn't and will never be like it is in porn.

What do you wish you knew about sex sooner?

xoxo

Lea-Mai