High School: My Experience

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High school for some people is there best years of their lives, others it's just average and the rest would rather be home schooled. I am one of those people who for the past 3 years or so have begged my mom to home school me. Sadly for me it didn't work out that way. I started high school in September 2010 and right from the beginning I knew that this was going to be a long journey. I remember my first day off school was 3 days into the new year.

There was something about being in a big building, with around 1000 other people who I didn't know, in a new place at an age where I felt too young to be there, that didn't suit me. Everybody else around me was making new friends and adjusting to the new routine, me however I stopped going to school. I then got moved into a class called "induction" which is where you do all of you subjects except english, maths, science and pe and you're in an environment like junior school. This helped me a lot as I was still in high school but it didn't feel too overwhelming. I also started counselling this year because school thought that it would be best if I spoke to someone about why I didn't come into school and how I felt. If you have ever had counselling you might know that this doesn't work 95% of the time, and it didn't for me.

I still didn't go everyday and I actually remember getting a certificate for doing 2 full weeks at school, because of how much I didn't go. Year 8 was still difficult, I had to move out of induction and start basically from scratch all over again where everyone else had already done that. I had to make new friends in my new classes, find my way around and learn that this was it. If I'm completely honest I don't remember much because I didn't like it so and have so many bad memories that I have just blocked it out.

I think year 9 was the year that my friendship group drifted apart and I only really stayed in touch with 2 of them. I found this really difficult and really challenging to have to carry on coming to school, in a place where I'm alone with no friends. Because of this I stopped going out, wouldn't talk to anybody whatsoever and stopped going to school again. I tried to hang around the 'popular' people in my year but they didn't like me and quite frankly I didn't really want to be their friends. I started counselling again outside of school, as I also slipped into a high amount of low moods. I had regular meetings inside of school to catch up with how I was doing and another one for me to talk about anything that I wanted whether it be inside or outside of school, good or bad. This was where I found out that I had anxiety. I never knew what it was until then and afterwards I remember immediately texting my mom and asking what it was, why I have it and loads of questions.

However because I was told that I had anxiety everything started to make sense, I was having panic attacks which I never knew or understood what they were, why I couldn't go out and why I was so alone. I started to see more and more people outside of school but nothing really helped. I then started year 10, which in my school is the year that you started your GCSE's and chose your 3 options that you wanted to do. I found this very difficult to adjust to the new timetable and that I was doing GCSE lessons. Nearing the end of year 10 was the time that was when everything turned for the worst.

I started self-harming again, I was retaliating against my parents, I refused to go to school and fell into a deep hole of extremely low moods, worst than last time. School made me go to the doctors and seek help, but because I was under 16 they couldn't really help me and just put it all down to stress and anxiety due to school, so sadly I was and still am trying to deal with it all myself with no help. Around May time was the time that I started a reduced timetable this meant that I would start school as normal at 8.30 but I would finish at around 1.30.

I found this easier to cope with but still quite difficult as it was getting more stressful to have to do 6-7 hours of work in 4 hours. Somehow I managed to do it and carried on the way that I was and still having time off but not as much. Also around that time is when we get issued our new timetables for the next year. I remained in my double option, which you usually change, because I felt most comfortable there, and then later dropped one of my single options as it was getting too much to catch up with and I was not being given the work.

One of the teachers at my school started picking me up for school in the morning to make sure that I was coming in and that I was getting my work done so that I didn't have an excess amount of work to do and to catch up on. This really helped me get everything done, whilst coming into school on a regular basis and still being on a reduced timetable.

This now takes me up to today, May 14th 2015 the last day of school. Words cannot describe how happy and relieved I am to have finally finished school. If I am honest the only people that I will really miss from my school is the teachers. I don't regret any of my time in high school and I hope that everyone who is leaving, good luck and the best for your future.

xoxo
Lea-Mai

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