What they don't tell you postpartum

Codey is now 8 months old and birth trauma and postpartum is still a reality. I shared my birth story, post 
birth and have also spoken about having a preemie baby, but there is still so much that has been missed. 
Although I tried to be as open and raw as possible it's so hard to truly capture every emotion and the true 
reality of birth. So many things are happening when you give birth that everything becomes a blur 
including everything that happens postpartum, which is why so much is missed and not spoken about. 

I'm not sure if it is because Codey was 8 weeks early, but I felt so much pressure to breastfeed. The 
information I was given was very one sided, strict and routine which now I know isn't the whole story. 
When I was pregnant I was still unsure of whether breastfeeding was for me but after having no support 
and incorrect information from nurses and staff at the hospitals, it wasn't something I could push through 
mentally at the time. Part of me will regret not trying harder and educating myself but, the main focus is 
that Codey is fed, healthy and happy. A breastfeed or formula fed baby isn't best, a fed baby is what's best.

Before giving birth, when I heard about birth trauma I thought people were talking about the physical pain 
they went through and the gory details, this is so far from the truth. I experienced so much trauma and am 
still suffering with the consequences of that, however I didn't experience much physical pain. My birth 
trauma comes from an emergency c-section where I was put to sleep, having my baby taken to a hospital 
over an hour away from me, spending 5 weeks in hospital and so much more. Trauma comes in all 
different forms, from a variety of events which everyone deals with differently over a course of time. 

Whether you are a first time mom or a mom for the tenth time, it's a hard journey. It takes time to learn 
your baby's cues, wants and needs as well as what works for you. It's expected for moms to know exactly 
what to do as soon as you give birth but that's a false narrative. Everything is a baby is different and there 
is no step-by-step guide that tells you what to do and what's going to happen. Even if I have another child, 
I will have to learn on the job all over again.

The only silver lining to me having a premature baby is that I had more time than the average mother to 
recover after having a c-section. I would trade all of that in to have had my baby come home straight 
away, but it made me realise furthermore just how much pressure is on mothers to recover and get back to 
normality almost immediately. I can't speak on vaginal births, but a c-section is the only major surgery that 
you are expected to do regular tasks after, walk around and take care of a newborn baby. The recovery 
after birth is a long slow and steady process and isn't something that should be rushed. 



  1. I hate that there is a pressure for new mum's to breastfeed. I remember my Mam telling me that she had to stop breastfeeding me because it all got too much, but the health visitor said that the bottle is just as good! x

    Lucy Mary

    1. I've spoke to a lot of people who have found it to be too much or it just hasn't worked with them, but they all felt the pressure, which is awful x

  2. I found with my first re breastfeeding I was given opposing pieces of advice from midwives in the hospital. I found it really difficult to know what to do for the best. The 'mum knows best' narrative isn't always true too, like you say, I'm more of a 'mum's doing what she can to get by' type of parent and I think most people out there are the same. There's a huge pressure socially on mums to be doing EVERYTHING and it's BS. Thanks for being so open in this post.


    1. Definitely agree with doing what is best for you. With Codey being 8 weeks early and in the hospital for 5 weeks, I wasn't in the right head space to breastfeed even if I would've loved too x

  3. Omg the breast feeding pressure was crazy for me, Lukas hated it and so did I but I felt so
    Much pressure to keep going!! Once we switched to formula my outlook on parenting was elevated and so much more enjoyable

    1. Truly whatever works for you and your baby and as long as they are being fed it doesn't matter! x

  4. C Section recovery is no joke but you are expected to just hop up and get on with it. If you needed knee surgery, you'd be put on bed rest for a week. It's wild!


    1. Totally agree! The only silver lining to having Codey 8 weeks early and unfortunately not being able to bring him home for 5 weeks was having that little extra time and rest to recover, which I'm glad for as I did get an infection x