How am I? - Pregnancy and mental health

 

Pregnancy is by far the most challenging things I've experienced so far. Mentally, physically and 

emotionally. Mix that with the hormones and mental health issues prior to pregnancy, it's been one 

hell of a rollercoaster. And I've still got 2/3 months left. I was unsure about doing a post about mental 

health during pregnancy as I don't want to come across as being ungrateful or miserable. I am beyond 

excited for this next journey and chapter of my life and after being told my chances of having children 

were extremely slim, it makes it even more special. However that doesn't mean I'm finding this journey 

easy or that I'm enjoying it. 

Since the day after I found out I was pregnant, I have been in and out of hospital. Whether that be extra 

appointments, ultrasounds and checks or making recommend trips from professionals and paramedics due 

to extensive pain. All of these trips start to take a toll. Physically it's exhausting and draining. The walking 

around, constant sitting and standing around, being poked and prodded by doctors and nurses. Emotionally 

you are tired and constantly worried about every little thing, especially with it being a first pregnancy. 

Mentally you are shattered, with your hormones being all over the place, hearing new terms and being told 

things from every professional that makes no sense until you get back home and ask your mom. 

Although I know I have support around me I have never felt so alone. Knowing that the pain I'm feeling 

can't be experienced by someone else. Constantly messaging other people to get advice and find out if this 

twinge is normal, or if I should be crying so easily over some sausage rolls. Trying to agree on nursery 

schemes, clothing styles, names and so much more with your partner and getting upset when you can't 

have it your way, even though you know that's not fair and doesn't work like that. 

There are entire days and weekends that I can't get out of bed and don't want to. Clinging on to the last 

few months of being childless and fewer responsibilities. I spend most nights struggling to get too sleep, 

not just because I'm uncomfortable and being kicked from the inside in every direction, but also because 

I'm extremely anxious and depressed and finding it harder to process everything that is going on. 

All little arguments and bickers seem 100x more intense than they really are. Starting to question if this is 

going to affect things, but knowing that you're over reacting and this is because your hormones are going 

wild. I've noticed that my anxiety and depression has been heightened since being pregnant and everything 

is so much more intense. Constantly on edge and worried about every minor detail. I'm spending most of 

my time worrying about things that are out of my control and aren't planned until months after I'm due. 

Despite all of this, there are still parts I'm ecstatic about. I love going to my ultrasounds and seeing how 

much he has grown. I have loved buying clothes and getting his nursery ready. Choosing his name and 

how it will be spelt, imagining it on his school work and driving license. I love feeling him wiggle around 

every day, even if I don't feel well and continue to be sick. I love that I got this extraordinary chance to be 

pregnant and grow a baby. I can't wait to see his face for the first time and have that first moment with him 

on my chest, after carrying him for 9 months. Getting to bring him to his first home and seem him grow 

and hit milestones, experiencing his firsts and making memories with him. 

Although there have been times where I couldn't imagine going forward because of the pain I was in and 

struggled to get up and go to work because I haven't slept and won't stop being sick and what I'm going to 

be like as a parent, I wouldn't change it and I cannot wait to bring a beautiful baby boy into this world! 

xoxo

Lea-Mai