How BPD affects my relationships

My entire life I have struggled with relationships. Whether that be; romantic, sexual, friends, family, work 
colleagues or dating. For so long I never knew why and just thought it was an area that I lacked in and it 
wasn't something that would ever improve. A few years ago I got diagnosed with BPD (borderline 
personality disorder) and it made everything so clear. 

I actually got diagnosed with BPD whilst in my first relationship. I'm very thankful that he was really 
understanding and tried his hardest to do what he could. Essentially learning alongside me, as we was both 
new to this. However, this probably affected him a lot more than I realised at the time. BPD is having 
difficulties with how you think and how you feel about yourself and others, which later causes a ripple 
affect in all aspects of your life. Imagine that when you're in a romantic relationship or with a sexual 
relationship or even if you're dating someone. Everything becomes so much harder. 

I've spoken about my other relationship previously (read here) which in it's own way was not a good 
experience, however my BPD was a huge part of this. The way I would feel or act would constantly be 
bought up and told that it was invalid and not normal to be like this, that I just needed to relax and chill 
out. It made me feel irrelevant and unloved. In the time that I've been out of that relationship, I've realised 
that my actions and feelings are 100% valid and that there is going to be someone out there who not only 
will give me everything I want and treat me how I deserve, but also do anything and everything they can 
in trying to understand and help me with my experiences and moving forward. 

For me I find sexual and dating relationships the hardest. I constantly care about pleasing them and 
making sure they get everything and anything they want, without considering myself. I fall for people 
really hard and have been hurt more times than I can count because of this. I understand how I should 
feel, but I can't process those feelings and I get caught up in the midst of things. I have to know why to 
everything. Why you feel the way you do, why you think this or act like this around me. I end up going to 
bed most nights, overthinking about things that are completely out of my control. If I start dating or seeing 
someone, I will want to see them as much as possible, and understand why you are actually wanting to 
date me. I want to know why and how to everything.

Due to my BPD and other mental health issues, mixed with my previous relationships I am still being 
affected in ways I didn't think. However it's also a learning curve for me. I've learnt that I shouldn't settle 
for something that I don't deserve just because it's easy, and convenient. I've learnt to love harder than 
ever. I've learnt that I am a difficult person to be with, but I'm worth it in so many ways. I will always care about the small things more than the large gestures. The way someone phrases something is so important to me and shows how much they actually care. Even if I do read into this a lot more than I should. 

Facial expressions and emotions are a huge challenge for me, which can affect me a lot, but recently I've 
noticed this has been affecting me at work. No matter where you work there will be banter and comments 
made out of humour. This is normal and a part of life and work. However because I struggle to understand 
where you're coming from or I just see a blank expression on your face I take it the wrong way which then 
affects my work overall. I will always try my hardest and try not to let this affect me, as I know that things 
are said out of humour not negativity but I still take this home with me at the end of the day or at 
weekends. I spend my time constantly thinking about if what I did was the right thing or if I said the right 
thing. Even if I did make a mistake, the majority of the time they can be changed or fixed upon realisation 
and errors are just a part of life and the journey. You can't make a positive change without failure. 



  1. I love your honesty here Lea, it's good that your then boyfriend was so understanding when you first diagnosed with BPD when you were with him x

    Lucy Mary

    1. Thank you and I know. Couldn't be more grateful x

  2. Thank you for sharing your story love. Your honesty will help so many people I'm sure! X

  3. Your honesty here is absolutely incredible. I have no doubt this will help so many!

  4. Thanks for sharing your story. You sound very self aware and I'm sure that will be a great help to future relationships.

    Corinne x

  5. Your honesty is incredibly refreshing it was a really good read

  6. Oh, I feel this! I have severe anxiety and OCD. I was diagnosed when I was about 8 or 9 years old, so I've been living with it for a long time. It's really hard for my boyfriend to understand what's going on inside my head, but he's as supportive as he can. It's definitely put a strain on our relationship, especially since the whole COVID situation has made it so much worse for me. We got this though, no matter how hard it is! <3

    Lots of love,
    Krissi of the marquise diamond

    1. Thank you for sharing. It's so hard to explain how you feel and what's going. If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you! x

  7. I honestly think posts like this are so important to let other people know that how they feel is valid and that they're not alone! Thank you for sharing x

    mia //

    1. I'm glad you liked it! So important to be honest and share the part of your story that you're comfortable with and hope to help others x

  8. Oh wow. I also have borderline, it impacts my life massively. I have never met anyone else who has it before so reading this helps. I'm just starting a new blog and intend to write about my experiences.

    1. I'm glad it helped! I only know 2/3 people who have BPD and we're all so different. If you want to talk about anything, drop me a message, I'd love to chat! x