What BPD is like for me

Having BPD is something that I really struggle with but try not to let on that I am. It influences a lot of 

my decisions, controls how I feel and act as well as how I understand others. It can completely overtake 

my life as I get hyper focused on things and obsessed. I loose control of what I'm doing, thinking and who 

I am. Everyone experiences borderline personality disorder differently as it can affect some more than 

others and in different ways. 

I wrote a post last year abut what a bad BPD day is to me and the truth about that, is a lot of those factors 

are part of my everyday life. A huge struggle for me is my hyper focusing. This is when you get extremely 

focused on one thing for a long period of time and loosing track of time and things around you. This can 

be good because it means you are so passionate about something and feel intensely about it, but unhealthy 

because it can get out of control. In connection with this, I get focused and obsessed with things in phases, 

such as; food, tv shows, buying things, people etc. When I moved out all I wanted to do was buy home 

items, and it made me feel physically sick when I couldn't do that. I recently went through a phase when I 

was obsessed with the KFC walkers crisps and that's all I wanted to eat and couldn't think about anything 

else. This is also a part of my Aspergers syndrome (autism) which is why I experience it so intensely. 

Speaking of things being intense, that's how my emotions are. If I'm sad, happy or confused it's heightened 

compared to others. It overwhelms me and I'm unable to concentrate on anything other than how I'm 

feeling. When I'm experiencing more emotions such as; sadness, confusion and tiredness I forget what I've 

done and said. This happened just yesterday. I was moving some furniture around and looked at my mom 

all confused as the coat rack was already moved, but it turns out I did it 2 minutes prior. 

Having BPD is a huge struggle but it's not all negative. As I feel things more intense it means when I'm 

happy I'm extremely happy, even over the small things that others don't notice. When I love someone, I 

really love them. When I'm interested in something I get really passionate and want to learn and do as 

much as I can possible regarding it, including both hobbies and my relationships with people. I love 

learning new things and helping others in anyway that I can. If I find out that someone is struggling and 

going through a tough time, that will be the only thing on my mind as all I want to do is help. When 

talking to someone new, I love finding things out about them and getting to know them. 

Always turn a negative situation into a positive.

xoxo

Lea-Mai