What a bad BPD day is to me

Mental health is such a tricky topic to talk about in general as there are so many misunderstandings
and stigmas surrounding them, but it's even harder to talk about them when it's a illness that isn't
spoke about enough, and people have very little understanding and education about. That's how I feel
when it comes to BPD (borderline personality disorder). We have all heard of or had days when our
anxiety or depression is heightened and it's the same for BPD. Everything feels 100x worse, which
you didn't think was possible because you are finding it hard enough already. 

BPD to me is a constant battle in my head. Constantly fighting emotions that you know are normal
but can't seem to understand. Never feeling good enough. 1 wrong word or look and 1 late reply feels
like instant rejection. Wanting to be alone, but not lonely. Trying to talk to someone but unsure on
how to without feeling like you're suffocating them. Going a day without any messages or hearing
from anyone, and questioning what you did wrong. Wondering how long you could disappear for
without anyone noticing. Constantly being fed up and exhausted but unable to sleep.

A bad BPD day to me is typically all over the place. My emotions are highgtened and constantly
bouncing up and down. Having an intense feeling of rejection and abandonment, to thinking I'm the
worst person in the world. Having thoughts of suicide and self harm, to drinking alcohol and having
unsafe sex. Not caring at all and caring too much, at the same time. I often loose my temper with
those who are close to me and want to break things around my room. I will often spend most to the
day trying to talk to you and writing out messages so you get notifications on snapchat, but not
sending it. Craving attention and your love, but not wanting to be too much for you. 

Reading all of this might be scary, especially if you know me in person, but it's important to know
that I do also really value our relationship, I can always understand and empathise with how you feel,
when I love you I truly do love you hard, I care way too much and will always do whatever I can in
my power to help you. I'm also a really passionate person and will do anything for a good laugh.

I thought whilst writing this I would realise the reason I chose to share this, however I've come to
realise that there is no reason, other than I have a lot on my mind that I want to get out, but I also
want this to help someone who is reading this. Whether it's you personally or you know someone and
are wanting to show them extra support. Everything is appreciated when it comes to mental health.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.



  1. Wow you are so so brave for sharing this post! I am always here if you ever need to just chat!

  2. You're very brave for sharing this, sending lots of love.
    It's good to get things out there in the open x

    1. Thank you! Needs talking about more, so as long as this helped at least 1 person x

  3. It is a difficult condition to manage, I am close to somebody who has this and I know what it can be like. Keep going and looking after yourself.

    Amy x
    The July Rose

    1. Thank you! Every day is a challenge as I'm constantly learning new things about myself x

  4. Thanks for sharing this, I had no idea what it could be like.

    1. It's a topic nobody talks about, so it's important for me to spread awareness x