Consent - lets talk

When you hear the word consent your mind immediately goes to sex. Consent doesn't have to be used in 

that form. Yes it's the main starting point for sex, however consent is used in daily life. People are often 

worried about the possible consequences of saying no to having sex, and I think a big reason for that is 

due to a lack of knowledge around the subject. When I was in school and we did sex education, we got the 

bare minimum and something that was never spoken about was consent, and since over a third of students 

feel pressured into taking part in a sexual activity, you would think there would be more education 

surrounding the topic. The #metoo movement has highlighted the issues, but there is still room to grow.

Consent is having an mutual understanding and agreement between all parties to engage in sexual 

activities. When having sex and being intimate with someone is opening yourself up to be at your most 

vulnerable. Communication and honesty is always key, so making sure that you are comfortable before 

hand is extremely important, whether this is your first time or your hundredth. It may feel awkward having 

that conversation no matter how short or long it takes to do so, but it's the most important thing to do.

Consent is given comfortably and is not to be forced, done out of peer pressure, done under the influence 

of drugs or alcohol and is not done out of fear. Consent can be withdrawn at any point. If you are half way 

through sexual activity and you feel like you no longer want to continue, you can say so. Consent is only 

doing the things that you have agreed to and are comfortable with doing. Consent is giving it to every 

person, every time you engage in sexual activity. No matter what you are in charge or your body, and you 

are in control of what you decide to do or not to do. If you are engaging in a sexual act and are unsure of 

whether the other person is wanting to carry on, instead of waiting for them to say something, ask them. 

Ask them; "are you ok?" "do you want me to carry on?" "shall we stop and take a break?" 

In sex education we got taught about condoms, male and female cis sex and basic genital anatomy. The 

curriculum controls the majority of what we learn from age 4-16 yet chose to give us as little information 

as possible about a huge, natural subject such as sex. I got taught sex education when I was about 10/11 

and then again in high school. High school is a huge part of a persons life where they do a lot of 

experimenting with their lives. Yet we are not taught how to say 'no' or 'stop', that sex or a sexual activity  

is something you do with someone else not too them, and that if someone is under the influence they 

cannot give consent, no matter how under the influence they may be.

Brook.org published an article about consent myths and facts which is a really important to read. I was 

shocked to find out that 1 in 10 women (average age 18) and 1 in 71 men (average age 16) have had non-

consensual sex at some point in their life. This is a huge reason as to why I'm so passionate about the 

education around sex. I am passionate about consent because it's the line between a sexual encounter and 

sexual assault. I was sexually abused when I was 3, there was no way for me to understand consent never 

mind give it. I have family members and friends who have been rapped or sexually abused, despite saying 

no. The more education we give the more that people will understand the signs of consent and how to give 

it comfortably, rather than out of fear or peer pressure. 

xoxo

Lea-Mai