Coping with the not so little changes

 I hate change. Ok, hate is a very strong word. But the overall idea of change stresses me out and makes me anxious as I have no control over what is happening. I always thought I only struggled with the bigger changes. Things like going to high school, going to college or starting a new job. However I've recently realised that I don't cope too well with the little changes either. I know a lot of people don't like change as it's out of routine and what we are used too, and although it's hard to remember we must remind ourselves that not all change is bad and the world around us is constantly changing and evolving.

With the lockdown a lot of people have been redecorating their houses or rooms, as they've either been meaning too for a long time or they've ran out of things to do. My parents started decorating around Easter and then I decided to fully decorate my room in May and change everything. I mean everything. There are only 2 things in my room that are the same as before and that are my makeup drawers and my chest of drawers. I have purchased a new bed, wardrobe, desk, carpet, side table, shelves, decor. Everything you can think off. Everything in my room used to be white and now it's grey with black and white accents and a touch of pink. I love how it looks but it's such a big change that although needed to be done, I wasn't expecting it to be so drastic. I expected to have a new carpet and paint the walls. Turns out I can't do anything lightly and went full force with this one! 

As I still live at home, my entire life is in my room and there have been a lot of memories that have taken place in here that I felt after I decorated were just gone. For a small period of time I felt like I lost myself and was becoming really anxious in here. I'm trying to spend more time in here and make it more like me, and make new memories instead of holding onto the past. 

On the topic of decorating my parents have also redone the living room. Again, new colour, carpet, sofa, everything has changed. It suddenly hit me one day that a huge chunk of my living environment has changed and I even started getting upset because it's not like it was when we had my dog (who passed away 2 years ago). I know that's silly and an odd thing to get upset about but it was another change. 

Little changes have been happening for everyone, from having to wear a face mask, standing 2 meters apart, queuing to get in a shop, not being able to see family and friends. Everyone has been affected by these and as nobody saw them coming, we had no time to prepare. I'm thankful as I was/am still working (I work in education so currently off for Summer), and the only time I really went out was to help my mom with the weekly shop. But instead of it being my choice not to go out and being told we can't do something, it was a huge shock to the system. 

A big change in my life this year was becoming single. I'm not going to talk about that as I have spoke about it a lot and done so in separate posts. However I realised that everything I was doing afterwards was for the first time on my own. Last month I got my first 5 tattoos on my own and being single. I had never gone to the pub on my own before, and even sat and had a drink by myself. I didn't ever go shopping on my own but I started going and I noticed that all of these were little changes happening in my life. 

Not only is the world and society constantly changing and evolving, but so am I. Whether it's changing from my 'comfort zone' outfit and wearing something different or doing something completely out of the ordinary. I'm always going to struggle with change, especially when it just happens and I don't have time to prepare or plan for it, but it's something that I cannot control and it's always going to happen and no matter how unfortunate it might be, I have to learn to deal with it like everyone else does. 

Change is painful. But nothing is more than painful than being stuck where you don't belong.

xoxo
Lea-Mai

10 comments

  1. This was a great post to read. I hate change and this year my life has had to face massive changes!
    Rosie
    loverosiee.co.uk

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    1. Thank you lovely! Don't think anyone enjoys it x

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  2. Replies
    1. Thank you and I know. Hopefully it won't carry on into next year x

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  3. I loved reading this post.
    I also hate change and get so anxious even changing little things like you've said
    Hopefully next year is a better one! x

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    1. Thank you lovely! Praying next year is better x

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  4. I am also not a huge fan of change, and this year has been big! I am trying to embrace it though, but easier said than done!

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    1. Me too. Trying to remember everyone is in the same boat x

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  5. Such a great post! Hoping next year is better for us all!

    www.upyourvlog.com

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