The brutal reality of depression

How long can you say you've gone without brushing your teeth? Hair? Getting out of bed? Putting 

on new clothes? Showering? Eating proper food? Or food at all? For these I can say; weeks, months, 

weeks, weeks, days and months. All of these seem so simple and part of a normal daily routine to 

most people, but so challenge and sometimes unthinkable to those who are depressed. 

At the time depression masks all of this as being ok and being normal, but the reality is 

it's not. Often these will have a ripple affect and become much worse overtime, even 

when the depression is getting better. 

I spent so many years battling routines of not doing the basic things I should be doing. I went weeks 

without brushing my teeth or even thinking about it, I would wear the same clothes if I had to get out 

of bed and I only showered when I washed my hair, which was about once a week. All of this felt so 

normal to me because my depression made me think it was. 

To this day I have checklists to make sure I do everyday things, and have notifications in my 

phone to take my medication that I need to and brush my teeth. I have to get people to help me

 brush my hair because I leave it for so long that it knots in the back and I can't do it myself. 

Although I'm still not in a good or ideal place and hopefully I can get to that place and talk about 

my experiences in the future, not doing anything is still so normal. The people around me are aware 

of situation and how I can get, which is why I'm so thankful that those people notice the signs and 

encourage me to do things that they don't, have to be reminded to do.

I struggled for so long with the idea of people knowing how I used to be and still can be, because it 

seems like you're just being lazy and gross for no reason, but it all feels fine. I know that these are the 

things that everyone does and I have to do, but when you are in such a dark and negative mindset 

getting out of bed is the hardest part of the day or week, never mind doing anything or looking after 

yourself in the basic self-care way. I found it so hard that people had to remind me to brush my hair 

or my teeth, but I've realised I'd rather have people like that in my life, that want to help me, rather 

than those who don't care about how you feel or the needs you should be doing for yourself. 

xoxo

Lea-Mai