My Mental Health

The talk of mental health has blown up over the last few years. Whether
that be anxiety, depression, bipolar, ocd, eating disorders and many more.
I have done a full blog post on my anxiety and have mentioned that I also
suffer from depression and slight ocd but I have never gone into full detail of
my full experience and personal battle with mental health, which could help others.

I'm going to start of with anxiety and panic attacks first as it is the most 
talked about regarding my mental health, plus I have already done a full blog
post on it, which you can read here. I have had anxiety for as long as I can
remember but it wasn't until I was about 12 that I can recall my first panic
attack. I had about 4-5 that week, and the following week I was talking to some
counselors and they mentioned anxiety which lead to me freaking out 
and getting myself in more of a panic about it. Zoe Sugg, also known as Zoella,
uploaded a video about her experience with anxiety and talked about it
generally. I watched this and it helped me to understand what it was that I was
going through. The next few years up until last November was a constant
struggle and a big blur. I have been going to camhs for 15 years now, which I will
mention more later, and I got put on medication mainly for my anxiety and I am
still taking them daily which have been the biggest help. The day I got put on
 medication was also the day that I was diagnosed with general anxiety
rather than social anxiety which I thought I had.

When you mention the word depression people take it in a variety of different
ways. Some people think of you sitting in a dark room and completley 
iscolating yourselfl. In my case it was iscolating myself from others, not
leaving my house, self harming, constantly feeling empty and unaware of 
my emotions but I looked fine from the outside and always put on a smile.
I think the reason depression is so difficult for people to understand is because 
there are no major physical signs of it and a lot of people put on a front in
order to present a false image. One of the reasons I went to camhs was also to
help with my moods and my self harm, and if you were wondering I have been
self harm free for just 2 1/2 years now! This is another reason I was put on medication.

OCD is another thing that people don't really understand. The majority of people think
it's wanting everything to be clean, tidy and organised. That isn't the case for
everyone. It is in my case, as everything has to be organised and I have to do things
in a certain order and a variety of things that I can't even describe. If you are
struggling to understand anxiety then I would suggest watching this video.

The last thing I wanted to talk about is something that I have never spoken about on
my blog and although a lot of people in my personal life know about it, a lot of people
also don't. I have Aspergers Syndrome which is a type of autism. This basically
means that I struggle in a lot of social situations and I think in a different ways than
others do. But does anyone think the same anyway? From the age of 2 my mom thought
I was different (this is what I'm calling it) which is when I started going to camhs. 
It was a long and difficult process, but when I was age 10 I was diagnosed with
Aspergers syndrome. At the same time I was diagnosed, I was also in the transition 
of going to high school which made the journey a lot harder than what I expected.
I used to see counselors at high school to help me through this but it didn't really work. 
I got put into this type of class called induction which meant that I did all of my lessons
there except for maths, english and science. This made the first 18 months of high school
a lot easier. But then I gradually got taken out of that and was faced with the battle
of high school all over again. When I was in year 9 I started isolating myself 
more than what I had been doing as my anxiety and depression got worse. 
This lead to me having no friends and not able to go to class which also meant that
I was teaching myself from the middle of year 10 until the end of high school. I also
stopped going to school which lead to me being picked up in the morning by one of
the teachers and me only doing 8.30-12.15 days. When I was finished high school I
was left with decision of college. Thankfully a new college had just opened by where
I live, which is a lot smaller and is only the size of a house so it is easier to cope with.

I'm not writing this post to get attention or sympathy for myself, but instead to
spread awareness of how common mental health is. Since this time last year I have
gone from being depressed and wanting to kill myself, not going out, being terrified 
of going to college and having constant panic attacks to me being able to go out 
and do things that I haven't been able to do before and have some of the best friends
that I could ever ask for. This is so common and annoying to say but if you are 
going through anything like this or a personal battle of your own, it will get better. 
Whether that be with the help or medication, like me, or with the support from 
friends or family. It is key to remember that you have to take each step at a time
and that you can't jump from the bottom to the top of the stairs in one go.

If you have any questions or would like someone to talk to then you 
can email me and I will be happy to answer or talk to you about anything.



  1. I just ranomly found this blog post. I have a blog too ( and I have aspergers. However I only started the process of being diagnosed hen I was 14. I'm now 16 an still haven't been officially diagnosed as CAMHS where I live is shocking and I have had countless (perhaps over 15) workers assigned to me. Absolute nightmare :(

    1. The mental health industry and workers are quick to miss judge and not help people who truly need it. It took me 8 years to get diagnosed. It's awful x