Update - What's been happening?


I feel like I owe you all bit of an explanation as to what's been happening and why my blog posts have been scattered and all over the place. To be honest I don't have a acceptable excuse, but my main reason for being all over the place lately is the overwhelming amount of work and pressure from all of my college work and the time frame I've had to do it all in. 

I started my level 3 supporting teaching and learning course in September, and it's supposed to be a 2 year course. However, for some unknown reason, my college has made me do it in 1 year. We have also had no official teacher this year because the child care teacher also teaches 2 other levels. I've had 11 units to do which have all consisted of essays and work that didn't flow from level 2 to 3. 

I thought that all of my work was done until the last few months when all of my units have been coming back to me because 'there wasn't enough work' or 'it's not right', when truthfully my units should have been marked when they were completed just like everyone else's. I've spent the last, however many months completely stressed and pushing myself to get my work completed. 

I finally finished college Tuesday 17th and I still am slightly anxious that work is going to come back for me to complete. Everyone pray for me that it doesn't. On top of this I was started a new work placement in February and have had to get used to volunteering there as part of my course. 

To put it simply ... it's been a stressful few months, well year.

I have also had to look after and support my mom who had 2 surgeries in September and October 
on her back. This has led to her unfortunately not being able to work and still being in agony. On
 my days off from college and work placement, I do tasks and chores that needs doing such as housework (it takes up more time than you realise).

The main factor that has affected everything from college, blogging and my relationship is that I was forced to come of my antidepressants that I was on for over 3 1/2 years. This was due to the online pharmacy, that I have always used, refusing to send them to me and messing up with whether or not I had to pay. I spent over 6 weeks battling with trying to get my medication where I now can't go back on them. I suffered for over 2 weeks with withdrawal symptoms, where I had headaches, dizziness and irritability with the constant fear of fainting and being sick. Due to being on such a high dosage it would take me over 2 months to get back on the original dose, which I have decided not to do. 

As a result of this I have been more emotional, my anxiety is coming back and I feel things that I didn't feel before. I realise that I couldn't stay on my medication forever, but for the specific medication I was on it's advised not to quit cold turkey. From me coming of these, it has affected my relationship with Liam, due to me being more irritable, anxious, paranoid and worried. I'm not using this as an excuse but it has defiantly taken a tole on my life that I didn't expect. 

I'm going to do a separate blog post on my relationship and coming off my medication, but since this has been happening I wanted to update you with it as it has also affected my blog. 

Since I have now finished college and have more time, alongside with getting used to life with medication, my blog is getting back on track and I have posts wrote up and ready to go that I haven't had for months. I'm looking forward to getting back into blogging and improving upon myself. 

xoxo
Lea-Mai

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