Friendships



Growing up I never really had many friends. In fact I don't really have any friends now. After 
Lily Pebbles released her first book about female friendships I was inspired to talk about my 
own experiences. There are so many times that I find myself in situations where I'm ignored 
by people and lack in the friendship department. 
In nursery and early primary school days I had about 5 friends. This later turned into 4 friends 
and then 3 when one moved schools. As time goes by we drifted apart from being best friends and found our own circles. I became really close with a girl who later moved schools and then 2 other girls  who I stayed friends with until high school. 

During my primary schools days I was bullied quite a bit. Whether that be for the way I acted 
or the way I dressed (I got picked on for wearing an green tracksuit for PE). There was a time when 
a note got passed around my class asking for signatures if you hated Lea-Mai. The note was signed by everyone in my class and passed along to me at the end. Now looking back I don’t remember much of my primary school days as I’ve blocked it all out. 

High school came along and that was a anxious change in itself. I remained friends with the 
same group of people from primary school, but we drifted apart after the first year (like you do). 
I stayed friends with the same girls from primary school  but they started to make new friends and 
I didn’t. This friendship group then turned into being the popular girls in my year. As I was friends with a few of them from primary school I tried to stay friends. I ended up going out in town and fields, in the evening where they’d be doing drugs and alcohol. Since I didn’t want to be apart of 
that, I just sat there iscolated from it all. 

This brings me to year 9. At this point my anxiety and depression kicked it at full speed. I stopped speaking to everyone and started taking my classes in a support room on my own. For the next 2 years I did my lessons without any direct learning teachers, as well as no social interaction. In fact 
I used to get picked up for school by a teacher and took straight to the support room. I managed to pass my GCSE’s and left high school without a single friend. 

When I l left high school a girl in my class starred messaging me and we stared to talk more. We 
met up a few times and then she moved away. I only see her when she’s back in town and we
 often have a small catch up over a coffee. 

When it came to starting college I didn’t know where to go or what to expect. The college I 
chose it local and designed for a minimal amount of people. This was kind of good for me as it 
was a fresh start but I also didn’t know anyone. 

Thankfully my classes ended up consisting of 4 people at the end of each year. I quickly made 
friends with a few of the people in my class. This ended up with 2 of them moving and left with just me and Lauren. Lauren is a friend that although we don’t talk everyday and we only see each twice
 a week (college) I know I can message her at any time and she’ll be there for me. 

During this period I also met my boyfriend, Liam. When you get into a new relationship you often have to meet their friends. Obviously this was a step that I had to face. I don’t remember the first 
time I met Liam’s friends but I do remember the feeling I was left with. 

Liam is very into cars, meaning his friends are too. Being the girly girl I am, I know nothing about cars. When I meet people I will try my hardest to talk to them and make conversation. Obviously 
I tried to talk about cars. This didn’t work. 

This brings me to now. Where I’ve been blocked my serval of Liam’s friends and only really talk 
to Liam and my family. It has taken me until the last few years to realise that it’s better to have 5 
true friends than 50 fake ones (or in my case 1). 

I socialise when I’m at college and try my hardest to communicate and interact with others. When
 I go out with Liam I try hard to interact with his friends but often get ignored. I still haven’t come 
to terms with everything to do with friendships and general socialising, but it’s a work in progress. 

I often find myself thinking about how my Autism (Asperger’s syndrome) affects my relationships with others. This means that I can come across as blunt or intense as well as mean sometimes. 
When my intentions are to please others and communicate about their likes rather than my own. 

The main reason I wanted to do this blog post isn’t to make people feel sorry for me or to make it seem like I’m bashing people. I wanted to do this post to share that friendships aren’t easy and 
when you’re younger you are made to think that being popular is the ideal world and having loads 
of friends is great. Truth is, it’s hard. Most people leave primary school, high school and college 
with a different group or no friends at all. 

You will often find yourself in situations where you don’t like people (for many reasons) or people don’t like you. But the main thing to remember is that you still have to be polite and try to be the better person. I am in these situations on a weekly basis and I still struggle with people not liking me. 

Not everyone will like you and that’s ok. Having 50 friends is ok. Having 1 friend is ok. Being popular is ok. Finding yourself alone and isolated is ok. Not everyone will want to be your 
friend and you won’t want to be everyone’s friend. 

At the end of this I have my family and the 1 friend I can count on. 

xoxo


Lea-Mai

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